This evening I have a Boy Scouts meeting and tour for our Children's Department. I usually look forward to kids tours and showing the kids you can have fun with the library but today my heart isn't really into it. Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 68. It's the 2nd birthday without him. I want to be able to make him his favorite carrot cake for his special day. He had SUCH a sweet tooth, but carrot cake was his fav. I still find myself at the store and see a FORD cap or tee that I wish I could buy him. I still find myself going through the new book shelf at work and seeing the new cowboy cook book and dutch oven cook books that I know he would love. I have even come close to checking them out when I have to stop and realize he isn't sitting at home in his favorite chair waiting for new books to read and get ideas from. He was a great cook and loved dutch oven cooking and trying new things. I think he would have loved to compete on Iron Chef and show them a thing or two. LOL.
Saturday is my sister's birthday. I haven't seen her since Dad died. I miss her so much and I feel like I am missing so much while she is expecting her baby. She is supposed to be due December 20th but the doctor said she could have the baby the last week in November. I know it is super hard on her living so far away in New Jersey. At least I can be here with my Mom and brother, but over there all she has is her husband and his cousin. We hope she and the baby can come visit next year. It's driving her nuts knowing Mom is having surgery and that she can't be here. I took Mom to be fitted with the back brace she will need after her surgery. It's almost surgery time. I know Mom is nervous, more so now that she sees the brace she will wear goes from under her tummy to almost her collarbone. She is clausterphobic and has anxiety problems and I am trying to get her not to freak about it but it isn't easy. She will have to wear the brace at least 3 months if all goes well.
Well I better go get ready for the tour. Tomorrow I do the little house painting for the Children's Miracle Network. It's hard to keep going on sometimes and keep putting on the happy cheerful face everyone expects of me. I know Dad would have been proud of me because of being chosen to paint for CMN, getting to be on tv, etc. I know Fred tells me he knows and is proud from where ever he is watching from. I hate being such a cranky kitty but sometimes that isn't enough. I want to hear him tell me. I want to see him see me on tv. I want him back so badly. I want my Dad.